My theoretical perspective

All counsellors have a theory (or theories) underpinning the work that they do. But it has been shown that the theory your counsellor subscribes to is much less important than whether you feel comfortable with him or her and can build a good working relationship.

The information on this page is for people who have an idea about what counselling theory they think will help them most. Many people are not concerned about counselling theories, they just want to find a counsellor they think will be helpful. If that applies to you, don't bother with the rest of this page!

My basic counselling theory is called "psycho-dynamic". This means that I will be helping you to think about what you know about yourself, but also helping you to become aware of aspects of yourself that you are not fully conscious of, perhaps because it feels too painful to bring these into your awareness.

I am particularly interested in the relationships or "attachments" that we form as very young children and babies The quality of these attachments have been shown to influence our approach to all our other relationships throughout life.

For example if you had a stable and contented relationship with your parents you will expect to have this kind of relationship with other people that you meet. But if you often felt rejected or criticised as a small child you are likely to expect this kind of relationship with others. Surprisingly, perhaps, you may actually seek out people who are like this, or you may experience someone as rejecting and critical even when they are not!

If we work together I may look with you at what happens in our relationship as a means of understanding what happens in your relationships outside the counselling room, and helping you to change aspects of your relationships that you are not happy with.

Sometimes I may be interested in how your thoughts, your feelings, and your beliefs affect your actions. This can be particularly helpful if you repeatedly do something that you know is harmful to you, such as drinking to excess, getting into debt, or deliberately harming yourself in some way.

"You cannot avoid suffering, but you can avoid suffering about suffering", Naomi Wolf

If you want to find out more about the theories described here you could look at:

• "Families and How to Survive Them", Robin Skynner and John Cleese
• "Psychodynamic Counselling in Action", Michael Jacobs
• "John Bowlby and Attachment Theory", Jeremy Holmes
• Search for counselling books at Amazon.com